Pirates: Helping us Through the Holidays

Pirates had their own unique ways of celebrating certain holidays, but keep in mind: no holiday compares to the adrenaline spike of plunder and the risk of death. That rush—the wild dopamine surge of surviving something no human reasonably should—was probably the real glue that bonded pirate crews together. Camaraderie, strength, survival…nothing may have built it faster.

The Plunder High: A Holiday of Its Own

When pirates successfully plundered ships, towns, or villages, these ruffians celebrated on a high that no holiday could ever hope to duplicate. They survived. They did it together. And they lived to plunder another day…a little richer than before.

After a successful raid, they held a feast and a distribution of wealth. This was prime for:

• showing off war wounds

• eating and playing rowdy games

• gambling (some of the wiser-minded pirates even invested their plunder in building gambling houses and bars)

• flirting with barmaids and bar-men

• and of course, spreading their treasures across the table just to admire them while drinking heavily

It was Thanksgiving with more knives and fewer manners.

Our Holiday Tables vs. Theirs

So I have a suggestion for when we sit down to celebrate the holidays with our families—no matter how politically or religiously taxing those conversations can get (I’d like to mention that I’ve never once seen a table argument that changed anyone’s viewpoint)—escape your plate and take a page from the pirates.

We may not be able to gather our families to plunder a ship in an attempt to adrenaline-bond. But we can nod, and politely smile, before staring down at our holiday meals while imagining a world of swashbuckling madness where the thrill of treasure hunting drowns out the frustrations of aunt Mildred.

No offense to anyone named Mildred out there. I still feel for all the brave Mildreds in theaters who watched The Little Mermaid, and Ariel makes that horrible face at Mildred's name. Mark my words—somewhere in my writing—there will be a bad-ass Mildred to avenge her bad-ass name.